Back in the late 60’s when I was a child in first grade, our teacher had us sit and watch as she made a paper ornament. First, she colored the design, then cut it out and lastly glued the paper tabs into place, all while describing everything she was doing. I was beyond bored. At the end of what seemed to me a long demonstration, she held up the ornament and asked us all, “Now isn’t that nice, children?”

All the children around me said “Yes Mrs. P…” (name to protect privacy)

I was the sole voice that said, “No Mrs. P…” She demanded, “WHO SAID THAT?!” The children nearest pointed at me.

My desk was pulled out of the classroom and into the hallway I suppose to shame me. It worked. I sat there isolated in the hall of shame and correction, to work on a project that I felt was beyond my skills to do alone. That day I learned that the teachers were to be studied so as to comply 1000% to their desires and whims in order to avoid punishment. I understood that she had all the power. I learned that day that telling the truth was not what the teacher wanted. She wanted compliance. I learned then that I had to be vigilant. I went from thinking ‘what is my answer’ to studying the teacher thinking, ‘What does this teacher want my answer to be?’

The power a teacher wields as an authority, alone with children, with the power to shame, punish, ridicule, and withdraw affection, especially towards young children, should not be lost on those in education, nor on the families of those children. A look, a scowl, a raised brow can all influence a child who is trying to give the right answer to a teacher. “My teacher looks pleased when that person said such and such… therefore that will be my answer…”

The emphasis on compliance and obedience in the grade school classroom to an authoritative adult makes it not the place to take on children and ask them to make selections on their pronouns or sexuality. The child might respond in a way they think the teacher will approve most.

When asking children about their pronouns, the school is demanding oversharing from the child who must submit to the teacher’s intrusive questions though they may not feel comfortable nor have the interest or knowledge to correctly respond. Peer pressure and teacher pressure is a real factor to consider.

I never ever thought of pronouns back in the 60s and 70s when I was growing up. None of my friends and I ever had conversations about our orientation. We were never asked by adults what our pronouns were nor what our orientation was, that would have been considered incredibly nosy, weird, and none of the adult’s business, plus it would have been a question way out of our comfort zone since we were focused on hopscotch, tag, barbies, playing sports games, and other kid stuff.

I’m pretty sure if I’d had to choose a pronoun, like kids are being made to choose these days, it would have made me very anxious. Since it was nothing that I thought of on my own, I would have been lost. I’m pretty sure I would have studied the teacher and watched her reactions to other students and their choices. And should my anxiousness to please lead me down a rushed road of hormones or surgeries, I would have been like a deer in headlights, too afraid to contradict the adults (teachers, therapists, or doctors) they’d sent me to who told me this was what I needed.

If a doctor or teacher or parent told me I would be happier as a boy with surgery or hormones, I would have believed them because they’d already taught me to submit my intellect to authority and trained me to follow their rules and their thoughts. I’d been taught to agree. I would not have had the courage or wisdom or words to stop a course of actions I did not fully understand! Especially as I’d been taught in the classroom to comply with authority.

How is a child to learn to set boundaries when teachers demand they reveal personal matters? In many school districts children are questioned and must provide an answer to their pronoun of choice. It makes a child have to answer questions they may know little about which will allow them to be easily manipulated when they may not feel comfortable or ready. If a student sees the teacher pleased when one child says they are a different gender than their biological gender, the student may decide to follow suit, thinking that is the correct answer!

Think about it, you have to be 16 years old before you can get a driver’s license, because that’s when states decide you’re mature enough. 18 years old to vote or to get a tattoo (because only then are you considered mature enough to make permanent decisions about your body), and typically 21 years of age to drink.

Why the urgency to have very young kids choose pronouns or, even more drastically, why have them transition with either hormones or surgeries in grade school and middle school when it is known that many change their minds later in life saying they were manipulated and told that change would make them happy when it didn’t? Many regret the changes to their bodies that can’t be undone. There are such lawsuits even now so why the rush? Why is it the teacher’s business? How many children will be harmed before we stop? When will we learn?